What We Say Matters

Regina Koepp is a clinical psychologist who specializes in gerontology. She’s also the author of a recently published article that gets at an issue near and dear to my heart: looking at words and phrases that are commonly used and terribly ageist.

The article, 5 Ageist Expressions to Leave Behind in the New Year, appears online in Psychology Today.

The write-up is short—518 words by my count—and I’ll bet you a million keystrokes this limit was imposed by the magazine’s staff. Editors love it when you aim for a tiny wordcount—in spite of the fact that it’s hard to get a lot across in that space. So I’d like to add another 500 or so words of my own.

In the article, Koepp lists a number of phrases she’d like to toss, beginning with, “You look great for your age,” that groan-worthy faux compliment that tells us old people generally look like hell.

For each of the phrases, she explains why the expression is harmful, and what we can gain when we lose it—and the reasons she gives are solid.

But I feel like they’re incomplete. They’re focused on being kind to older adults so we olders* can feel good about ourselves—how we look, the things we choose to do, and the ways our minds work and learn.

But the real reasons go deeper than helping olders feel good.

Early in her article, Koepp mentions the incredibly valuable research headed up and reported by Becca Levy at Yale University. This is the work you’ve probably read about­­—and hopefully devoured—through Levy’s book, Breaking the Age Code.

The studies in Breaking the Age Code show that our views about aging can directly affect our health: Negative views inhibit our ability to bounce back from injury and illness, and positive views help us live lives that are not only healthier, but an average of 7.5 years longer.

And that’s important stuff. 

In fact, I think these findings are at the heart of the why—the reason it’s so important to stop saying, writing, and laughing along with the negative shit people say.

Appreciating and understanding people for who they truly are—without suggesting that “older” means unattractive and forgetful, that age defines the things we can or should do, or that living beyond a stage defined as “youth” is generally a terrible thing—does more than spread joy and goodwill. It translates directly to better health and longer lives. 

And it does so not only for people who qualify as older right now, but for every person alive who hears what’s being said, reads what’s being written, and absorbs the attitudes and output of the culture.

It does so for everyone.

Thank you, Dr. Koepp and Psychology Today, for publishing the important message that words and phrases matter. And thank you, Dr. Levy and Yale University, for showing us what happens when we take in and absorb those harmful ideas.

Now it’s up to the rest of us to take this knowledge to heart—and turn our language into a force for good.

* In case this use feels unfamiliar … the terms “olders” and “youngers” as nouns were introduced by Ashton Applewhite in her book This Chair Rocks.